New Minutiae
little shifts in energy
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BLOG

FEAR

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DEATH -- primary, all-consuming, takes up WAY more time than it should for something I have NO control over. I feel like worry about/ 'wait for' death the way people get caught up in a suspenseful part of a horror film.

CHANGE

  1. ABANDONMENT -- Family will die. Brother and I barely talk. Cousin and I lose touch randomly for months at a time. All relationships fail (platonic and romantic).
  2. IMPERMANENCE -- Goes with abandonment. Nothing lasts forever, everything always changes. Nothing is stable for the long-term or worth relying on. Constant fear of when things will end/ change.

EFFORT/ TRYING -- "Even when you excel you are NEVER good enough." There is no success when raised like that. Good grades? You can do better. Lost 60+ lbs? Lose 20 more. I fear trying because I'm convinced (I've been raised to believe) I will fail anyway - it's just a matter of where I land on the scale of.

  • FAILURE
  • HONESTY
  • REJECTION
  • HEIGHTS
  • WALKING DOWN STAIRS
  • WHALES

x/Amy


Amy KocurComment